A Heart Divided

I’ve seen him…twice now…jogging down the road.  From behind I knew those long skinny legs, that speed in his stride, that head held high.  I knew it was “my boy”.  I smiled when I saw him, and then my heart dropped.  There he is, that boy that I gave my heart too…that I invested my time and energy into…that boy that changed my life.  There he is…living his life without me…

A million questions flashed in my mind;  Why is he running on the road?  It’s so dangerous…will he be safe? Where is he going?  What is he running from?  Does he look too skinny? Is he eating enough, sleeping well, going to school?….Does he miss us?  Does he think of us often like we do about him?  Is he okay!?

My heart broke all over again.  The pain of missing him still holds a huge place in my heart.  Yes, we took him in to make him a better man…but he made me a better woman, a better mom, a better person.  His time here changed us both and I wonder if he even realizes it!  He is still a boy with big decisions to make about his future and I’m not there to guide him through it.   Will he be okay!?

But on the other hand….

There he is, running for excersize (I called him and confirmed this).  He isn’t doing drugs, drinking, stealing.  He isn’t skipping school.  He is healthy.  He is making good choices.  That wasn’t the case before his time here.  We did have an impact.  Maybe, just maybe, he is okay.

All I know is that my heart still holds him close.  It always will!  We have dinner plans this week, and I know one thing…I will be squeezing him a little tighter when I see him.  I will be making sure to let him know I love him!  I will be making sure he knows that he is forever and ever my boy!

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